"The Dutch Art Of Doing Nothing A.K.A. 'NIKSEN'-simulator" - Dr Beep

 When an email dropped in my box on Valentine's Day I got all excited by the contents, not because it was a secret declaration of love, for it said this

"Here is my entry called:

"The Dutch Art Of Doing Nothing A.K.A. 'NIKSEN'-simulator""

I hadn't heard of NIKSEN and had to look it up and here is when I got excited

Niksen “literally means to do nothing, to be idle or doing something without any use,”

I was born to play a game like this. I have lost track of the number of times my wife has asked what I'm thinking as I gaze steadfastly into space. I'm sure when we were dating she thought I was dreaming up grand philosophies, by now she has realised sadly that I'm just sitting there blankly letting time pass.

But now is not the time to be idle, now is the time to load up the NIKSEN simulator. The loading screen further improves my mood, this promises to fulfill my every idle desire.




The quality of workmanship in the image makes me wonder if Dr Beep is also a practitioner of Niksen.

The program stops loading but nothing happens, I still keep staring at the loading screen, is this it? To be honest I'd be happy enough if it was, but to make sure I tentatively prod the keyboard. I am rewarded with an explanation of how to play.


I press a key to start and instantly fail.


I try again and get a blank screen with two 0's at the top, after a pause I get a prompt on screen asking if I am still here. I ignore this and settle into letting my mind go blank. Quickly I am told I have failed again.


After a few goes of being told I had pressed too early, not pressed, or played too seriously I decided to break into the listing to see if this was just an elaborate joke.

It did appear that it was possible to play, basically wait until being prompted for my presence, then wait a second or so and then press 'y'. Slowly I built up a score.



It appears the score on the left is my current score and the one on the right is the highest score. Before long I failed.

At this point, I have to say that this product is guilty of false advertising. This simulator does not allow you to carve out the time to let your mind wander. It is the exact opposite, it is the digital equivalent of my wife poking me with her finger every few seconds and asking if I'm still awake.

I ended the experience deeply disappointed.

Technical Ability - 40%

The game is written in 26 lines of basic with some truly random line numbering. However, it is competently written and really wouldn't gain anything more from being machine code. It is a no bells and whistle production and contains no surprises. Unlike some other entries it didn't make me type R and enter to start.

Achievement - 0%

As it set out promising to free my mind to wander and did the exact opposite I cannot endorse this as a true Niksen simulator.

Fun - 50%

Once I got the hang of pausing before pressing there was an element of...

...fun is too strong a term, but there is a level of challenge, especially with a high score to beat.

Crap Factor - 89.9%

For a program that promises so much and delivers so little, I can only rate it high in the realms of crap.

Roundup

Pros -
  • Not having to manually run the program
  • Loading screen
Cons -
  • Not living up to its promise
  • Tricky to time the key presses
Remember I play these games so you don't have to. Should you play this game I bear no responsibility for your mental health afterwards. Should the warnings not be enough you can download and play it here.



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