If you thought 2023 was crap, think again!

Some mornings begin with a headache. Some mornings begin with 'What the hell have I done?' Some mornings begin with a feeling of dread and some mornings combine the whole lot. Such was the morning the email popped slyly into my inbox. It looked so normal, almost innocent, but inside contained the words 'I'm sorry, but I think you might be the loser.'

I scratched my head? What had I entered and what had I lost? Suddenly it dawned the Crap Game contest, but how had I lost, my game wasn't too crap, in fact, I had polished it, improved it, and even started to take a little pride in it. Well, that is exactly the way to lose a Crap Game contest. I hadn't read the golden rules and as a result, had broken most of them.

I wasn't alone, looking back over the entries there were some very good games in the mix. Games that had a polish far beyond the Advanced Lawnmower Simulator. Games I would have happily paid 1.99 for at the local newsagent. So far this has been all about me, but from this moment on it is all about you. Now is your chance to prove you can follow the rules and produce some absolute stinky nuggets of hyped up awfulness.

I intend to start reviewing in the New Year, but who knows with enough sherry in me I might start early should the eager crap producing elves start sending presents my way. To enter email your castoffs to edward.toovey@[DON'T INCLUDE THIS BIT]talktalk.net. I shall be waiting with horror on the other end to recieve them.

I have recreated the ratings chart from Your Sinclair to show each games scores.

These will be attached to each review for you to download, print out and present to your mum to pin to the fridge. A source of pride for the future.

The column in YS gave these descriptions to each category

Technical Ingenuity - How well is everything 'done'? If it is full of nice graphics, kooky sound and natty routines then it'll get a high mark. It not then it erm, won't.

Achievement - This gives some idea of how well whatever was set out to be done in the first place has actually been carried out and done, if you see what I mean.

Fun - How fun is the game to play? (Obvious, really)

Crap Factor - Okay, so it is crap. But by exactly how much? Three feet deep and rising? Or just enough to slap on your bread?

Overall -  Add up the four marks, divide the answer by four and what you get will bear no relation whatsoever to this overall mark (ho ho). Y'see, this bit gives a sort of idea of how well the game would sell if it was released properly to the general public (ie you). So don't be surprised if you get a pifflingly low mark even if I did think your game was a jolly good 'wheeze'.

With those immoral immortal words of the YS reviewer ringing in your ears stand by your keyboards and await the firing of the starting pistol. Remember not to care for your babies, not to polish your babies, pray they don't win the prettiest baby contest and above all always aim for Firelord quality.