If you thought 2023 was crap, think again!

 There was a period before digital downloads when you used to buy a computer game and it would come in a box with a massive manual full of instructions on gameplay. Usually, I got bored early on and tried playing first, falling back to the manual when I couldn't figure things out.  Some of the entries to this competition have been similar with extensive extra information. Others have preferred to provide instructions in game. This game walks its own path. The accompanying email provides little information about what to expect. " Attached is GUESS THE ASTEROIDS for the CGC, along with an image of the cassette release. I'm afraid it's not possible to save the Earth. I could have stopped launching asteroids after scoring 70 points, but I guess it's 1982 and the technology wasn't ready to stop such an Armageddon." But before continuing, let's pause to admire the image of the cassette release or in actuality images. So many versions and every cover is a del

  We like to romanticise the ‘Tortured Artist’ trope. Van Gogh, Munch and Caravaggio [1]  were all famous arts soles, whose colourful biographies dramatically threaten to eclipse their art. At the other end of the scale there’s something exciting and mysterious about anonymous artists - the NWFS  Cerne Abbas Giant , beautiful  Palaeolithic CavePaintings  or… the unfamous Banksy [3] . So – to Dave Hughe’s CCSCGC2024 entry  BankZXy.. . Welcome to Bristol, where you guide the famous graffiti artist/vandal around the town, spraying like a stressed cat particularly intent on marking territory. The loading screen gives a good overview of the gameplay, so … … which is nice, isn’t it? [4] The gameplay involves moving your UDG Banksy around, pursued by the asterisk. Hold space to leave your ‘tag’ on the floor. The pursuing asterisk has an aversion to walking on your graffiti, so this can be used to your advantage to complete the game and thus get to reveal Banksy’s secret identity. As far as it

  I like a good play on words. Vegetable Stock then, starts out well, with a solid 1-2 combo of an attractive, colourful loading screen coupled with a solid double-meaning title. Vegetable Stock, you see, is NOT a recipe app demonstrating how to prepare a soupy vegetable breakdown. It is a trading game, where you buy stocks in vegetables. Chuckle? I almost chortled. +1% for a well-placed exclamation mark  A strong start then, ESPECIALLY when you consider that I also love a good trading game : 1984, Brewery, Football Manager. That kind of thing. I'm surely going to love this.  So, skimming past the instructions, I prepare to invest my 500 pennies wisely.  Are YOU the vegetative Gordon Gekko?  This is the gamiest part. You can in fact, try to spend more than 500 pennies if you get your maths wrong, and the game beeps out a BANKRUPT message and STOPs.  A quick GOTO 3 will get you going again, so no worries. Having navigated the financial wizardry of picking your vegetables (accidental

  Introduction   Cockwomble. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Since playing the latest submission I've come over something of a sweary Mary.  Lee Prince has taken the wholesome family game of hang man, (where you innocently attempt to execute someone for the crime of failing to guess a word) and thrown a dark, expletive laden, twist in to the mix by populating the game with nothing but swear words. To be honest I am not sure how much of this game Lee has actually coded, as I'm pretty sure he's taken a pre existing type-in and simply changed the array of pre defined words. The twist being that all Lee's words are rather blue. Expecting four letter words, I thought this would be easy, but not so. Some of the swearwords are quite obscure.  Naturally, I gave this game to my 11 year old, and he had no idea what a cockwomble was. That didn't stop him enjoying the game though. Give him the opportunity to legally type swearwords into an old computer and suddenly the zx sp

 When I won the dubious pleasure of being this year's C.S.S.C.G.C judge I was aware that no matter how big my feet are I was stepping into some big boots. I wished that someone had compiled an instruction manual containing the vast wisdom of judges past. Failing a manual, then a training simulator would have been a vast help.  The old adage "nature abhors a vacuum" holds true and has driven Firelord to fill the required void with another quality product. For all who have entered this year or intend to enter beware, because one of you will be sat in my seat next year. Not my physical seat, but the metaphorical red leather Chesterfield with the comfortable hollow in the seat cushion formed by years of weighty posteriors. All of you need to download this product and get training. Unlike many entries, this one arrived with a comprehensive manual which is reproduced at the end of this review. But let's get into this thing. Like any truly professional piece of software, the

 One of the requirements for a crap game surely has to be a great name, one that instils a frisson of excitement and a sense of wonder as to what it will herald. This game has such a name, move over Ant Attack here comes Sloth Attack. The accompanying email adds to that level of promise "Anyway to this Spectrum game. It's all quite simple. You control a character who's sole need for survival is to avoid a sloth. A rampaging, murderous sloth that kills on contact. And it is hell bent on doing so. Fortunately it's a sloth, and it's slow. But it's constantly out to get you. It's probably on cocaine or something because it never goes to sleep. " Now if this is paired with excellent graphics, kickass music and unmissable gameplay play this game will be a winner. It begins with a simple intro explaining the content of the game. All framed with a pretty leafy border. So far, so good. Unfortunately, there isn't any intro music, but still a chance for excel